"Now is a really big place."
they were playing all my songs on the college radio. townes covers, steve earle, hayes carll. and then we went off with the cranky baby and the epileptic dog and it was lovely. picnic amid the trillium,everything full of itself, the river of self rising above its banks, spring flood of self and everythings two weeks ahead.
just getting accustomed to being around another person who doesnt also happen to be sharing my body. on the way to her house i realize that everything actually does happen for a reason and all the million things that go on whether we notice them or not are like threads in a tapestry and most of the time you have to step away from it to really see.
"dont ask me when it happened or how much it cost."
i dont know what happened that opened my door, made me want to circulate, communicate, connect, but its a strong urge now, like the leaves intricately folded down to density in the brown bud unfurl into enormous translucent lungs leaves lifting in this may weather after the evening walk it began to rain. something in me starved all this while for the pleasures of company will not deny itself any longer. im ready now for my life to begin.
“...people pay for what they do, and still more for what they have allowed themselves to become. And they pay for it very simply; by the lives they lead.”
may has been extraordinarily overstimulating, all five days of it so far.
getting the garden in, washing the kitchen floor, burying the battered bodies of my lesser selves in shallow pits along the road to wholeness and peace of mind.
the world just gets more insane, people completely locked in egoblindness imaginary lines of yours and mine starvation politics and blackdeath creeps over the face of the water choking life out of feathers and fins, birds and turtles and a billion billion biota that the world depends upon. people who want to hurt people and other people who dont care and the boy in the yard shooting at birds.
how have we managed to not come very far?
ten for today:
4. horse chestnut
5. wild lilac
10. the seeds of anything