Longing, we say, because desire is full
of endless distances.”

31 May 2008

Well Charlotte, i can do without the visuals for awhile, even though theres a calla lily id love to share and the garden garden garden out there grand and gently confined with little green hearts to show where the seeds are coming apart little green hearts two leaves some chubby some slender little rows of green spirits little nurseries of summer quiet the sky lowered and the gentle rain came with quiet thunder over the hill and it cleared with birdsong and i can see next years coneflowers cleome painted daisy can see the earth building into brown into black into deep good earth to grow and say this is who i am what you can tell me by. proud bellied in the garden under the sun smelling heliotrope and water running smelling sun on my skin and tibetan temple incense good coffee the closer something is to its origin the more itself it can be. my little spot here looking west west of course west is where i am and where i go and how i walk and the way i think my spirit west my soul west sitting with the fuschia and the flying begonia and the teacup violets considering the garden remember Paradise was a garden. my thailand skirt boonie hat bare feet feeling every step down through the rows of beans and greens peas and beets corn and cabbage hills of melons how could one even conjecture the dense joy of a melon from this little heart there on the ground. next year calabash and elderberry better luck with tomatoes more patience more prayers when im planting deeper digging and maybe thatll be the year the iris blooms.

29 May 2008

Bright Idea #27: If you dont have anything nice to say, dont say anything.
"Literature, like magic, has always been about the handling of secrets, about the pain, the destruction, and the marvelous liberation that can result when they are revealed."
Have i planted too shallow? too deep? is the tilth paltry? has it all washed away? have the robins been feasting on heirloom seeds? could i succeed? success would be nice, even on a small scale, on an eighth of an acre with high hopes and horse manure. keep at it, each moment the Great Teacher each moment something grows stretches breaks open to give its Everything to the Sun. my soul-stealers been carted away by Charlotte and what am i to understand? to look at things another way? to not put a wall between myself and my experience? to live and not objectify as if my life were a photograph two dimensional dog-eared on the floor of the car corroded by errant condiments and time? when im in this curve of the circle i shouldnt cook. i think i get the beastlies when the ancient brew in my body tells the blood to break a away. the weather wanders i sought refuge in the rainbow bridge reading organic farming manifesto and as i scooped peanut butter cookie dough out for returning heroes from whirling gauntlet academia i heard victoria whisper think of england.

28 May 2008

Bright Idea #26: Be the Cause of your Effect.
"There are many fine things which you mean to do some day, under what you think will be more favorable circumstances. But the only time that is yours is the present." Lost Weekend. The Magick Sack, the Boating Party, The Earth Mother. Krsna comes to me in dreams, strewing flowers. The Mexican Standoff of Books and Beer. my resignation to the situation making the best of whats left. finding myself again in a place more than willing to appease my taste for self-loathing and anxious uncertainty. today a bright sky and high frost but the nightshades persist in their spirit evolution and i am grateful. decided to dump the guru not sustainable the guitars too close to the amplifier ive gotten some good advice a loaf of crusty bread a handful of beans a goose that one day may just lay a golden egg in which i will see my reflection and it will somehow not be upside down. ive numbered my summer goals and set seed for summer garden. i may always err but i will always keep trying to get it right so it sings in my blood reverberates in my sternum the baby sleeping on my belly told me all i needed to know about all we need. guru told me to sit with it just sit with it breathe sit with it breathe sit with it breathe i contemplate the Sacred Heart with modifications crown for Her barbed wire for Him and Wings for me. something to remind me of triunes hope the heart that knows its all holy. holy holy. #4 and i at early breakfast table head dancing to big band gypsy music tight tight horn section the caravan coming over the hill the mules dressed in blue ribbons the women smelling of the woods the men with oak leaves in their hair summer is a cumin in, a day of marking of music a grand fire to praise the sun the return of lengthening night. just the few of us there on a rise in a tiny town in a world so far away from the beginning and were mesmerized by the line where the water ends and the air begins no one thinks to think we move closer to the end the valley comes into view the beautiful valley well fall into like the geese in my dream their wings on the water still fluttering.

23 May 2008

Bright Idea #25: Work to restore your Spirit.
"The magical, the unmeasurable, and the wild are the gifts of not belonging." Woke to Zen banjo and my dust destined for the compost pile which is incidentally humming along nicely thank you thank you Significant Other woke to Now woke to rededication to kindness generosity beauty peace manifest peace practice compassion would like to get my dog back bottle of wine some eleventh inning tomato plants something low and lovely for the birdfeeder bathtub columbine maybe something tall to tickle the windowsill something for the hummingbirds my jeweled joy messengers chicken man comes down from the mountain to say hey he gets a tour of the grounds and fills me in on local poppy cultivation and the price for scrap. #3 & #4 run up and down the lawn knees up arms windmilling backward as i philosophize and call yet again out from the Forest of Symbols, "he did everything he could not to go forward and yet, he went forward." The days ahead of industry the love the garden the quiet the geraniums are out on the bench to breathe and be admired for being geraniums and just that.

22 May 2008

Bright Idea #24: Show Up for What Happens.
"Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us, or we find it not." My sick little LaLa overstuffed oatmeal pirate sailing IV seas little face bright eyes new rein for aluminum mule another cold grey prairie day wind blowing me off the road into plowed pasture the plain folk covering rows with clear plastic long quiet weekend ahead im hoping reunited with Little Dog celebratory spin on chanticleer to tell the world were alive. late october weather doing wonderful things for the early cold crops peas beets broccoli spinach radish kale but dragging preemie tomato nursery teeters on cusp of compost heap june. always discounted back up from people who know what theyre doing. i however am entirely undeterred. dona quixote and sancho barbarosa trotting toward psychedelic wind turbines made of swan feathers and smoke. be well little LaLa and come Home to thy mistress who misses tummy warmer pillow pig familiar faithful friend.

21 May 2008

Bright Idea #23: Live the Questions.
"The Earth was made round so that we would not see too far down the road." Cold grey stay in bed morning the bones in my fingers cold slow this morning making up for missed bus gifted with doe fox sheep goat horse rooster red bearded groundskeeper my hands radiating cold strange underwater feeling lady calls from college moving forward i realize again and again i still believe myself to be entirely unworthy of happiness love amity concord companionship clarity peace that should be my task my goal to say each day i am worthy of human kindness i am worthy of the air that enlivens me the earth i stand on the water that washes through me the fire that will one day thaw this frozen heart. Cold porch guru isadora duncan action fraction hidden spring horse lady in the dairy section two braless hags cackling over ham casserole a bleeding heart to fill the space a globeflower the color of luminous yolk rubber boots and a curry comb to see my Ana my Ana my Ana my Ana splay hoofed and burr maned watchful and wary my hearts delight if i come back as a black horse let it be this one dinner family circle pumpkin bread good coffee she called me chaperoned the dance theyll be with their fathers for the weekend the long weekend the weekend of last plowing planting the last day of may when its safe to wear white and walk loose down a hot sidewalk smiling at strangers. weve decided its moment to moment and each and every moment is absolutely up to me.

20 May 2008

Bright Idea #22: Thou art That.
"Love makes labour light. Love alone gives value to all things." Strange sick night of deep sleep and rude awakening insofar as disease is metaphor. in my dream i drove the trolley pulled by a little biscuit colored horse. the trolley was empty with some gardening tools. i was new to driving trolley but getting better at it all the time. people wanted to get on and i let them. cold today but not the damp of rain just cold with a low sky i dont think the frost settled smothered snapped the tender garden plants it wasnt so clear a morning for that. ill spend the day curled up reading drinking peppermint tea grateful that im not expected to be anyone or anywhere. im still fighting this cold war within me im still bound and gagged in my own soul the bird cant even sing in captivity it just pecks and thrashes and stares. every day i resolve and every day i succumb to sadist spirit captor perfect nuremberg syndrome breathe be still the guiding star each moment individually each moment choosing to be gentle peaceful grateful kind because thats what i am beautiful truth thou art that thou art that thou art that.

19 May 2008

Bright Idea #21: Be Kind.
"When despair for the world grows in me...I come into the peace of wild things...I rest in the grace of the world, and am free." In moments of social despair i retreat into damp quiet surrounded by an electric fence of hostility. i am not myself. i judge and am poorly judged in return. unwell unrest unsettled the lonesome wandering feeling i get with wet windy weather the ghost road calls hither green and ocean yon watched the sky cover over a cold may gives these women the blues noisy rubber shoes and sweaters drug reluctantly from under the bed. but sitting there picking at her books and her movies i felt malignant felt the vibe hang over my ears like a dead squid and i of all people judging and jousting and none of it was necessary truthful or kind. she brought me chocolates and i wondered at how we were played told her my biological clock had been thrown out the window run over by a rubbish truck and ill be glad to hold a baby but happy now to give her back. even now with ghost baby hung like unworn wedding dress on back porch rail the magpies scavenging ribbon and pearls. everything aches. but were all here together and theres sweet fine ale in a glass with angels on it a long cold night to sleep through in a white bed in a wide world.

18 May 2008

Bright Idea #20: Pay attention to who and what is around you, not your thoughts about them.
"The best thing for being sad...is to learn something." Cold rain sunday morning sleep in stretching open eyes to #4 smile cold coffee back to bed the rolls didnt rise fed salt to the roses while it rained the tomatoes are like premature babies in pockets of earth but they may live still bear fruit redeem my maiden voyage into such nightshade seed adventures redeem my self through bread and soup the house smells like home i put off laundry til tomorrow she took the corporate jet to vermont and wont be back til friday learning how to sell booze in wartime while im out in the hinterland crouched over hoed row in a silk kimono good crumb between my toes getting older and wet grateful for my freedom my breath my home of many mammals and sometime a good smell a happy thought a safe slumber for a moment in the early evening the clouds parted to show the sun the birds sang you can feel everything breathing he thinks hes a good judge of character and he likes me so im comforted always looking for that external assent that tells me im alive not a shadow walking hungry ghost im stalled on the sari quilt and need more yarn. he asked if i ever wrote a book and i told him i cant maintain a story line we write the way we live its been a series of short stories in my dream i held threads connected to a room full of people and in the apartment the rain came in through the ceiling and i couldnt make it down the stairs.

16 May 2008

Bright Idea #19: Choose Real.
“It is not down in any map; true places never are.” Great Goddess glorious morning sparkling open blue sheet of sky flapping in may breeze sit on side bench sitting smiling breathing in sun blessing breeze smelling of green and water and fruit wood fire. #4 barefoot on creek path brandishing magick staff beheading evil dandelion minions before him faithful striped mouse companion flying above the fray. i am getting old and lifting my weight in mulch is no longer an option. brought lilacs into the fold erected green pea cucumber bottle gourd webwork trellis sat in the sun eating cold organic mac-n-cheese from a blue bowl with #2 and the irrational rage of our Others. things settle down it rains it shines it rains the aluminum mule betrays me the bathtub receives me he picked up the sofa he called to explain its more good coffee and donuts into evening to parse the abacus align the stars plan for breakfast tomorrow it was salt and patchouli the garden looked like boot hill borage goddess with zinnia stock the sunflowers will go there the pumpkins there i planted the folks-glove you gave me we work together he she we chemistry biology frequency this fog wont lift my core drags behind me like an atrophied tail but angels send memos and Bright moments and i understand where the wisteria will go the infinite usages of latticework the garden starts to smell like a garden look like a garden green spirits rise from their resting places i planted holy french marigold on the carp cleome and hollyhock for the roses maybe this time somewhere my mother approves.

Bright Idea #18: Don't pack whatever is easiest into the emptiness.
"Life has a rhythm; there's already momentum. The world has needs and expectations as do you, creating some likelihoods that are vastly more predictable and smaller in number (though still infinite) than others. And for those who see this and work within these "likelihoods," dancing to their own beat within life's greater rhythm, paradise shall appear at their feet and abundance shall come as easily as breathing." its comin on summer theyre spray painting the sheep angels drop first lines into the passenger side of my brain and they fall away like a dream unwritten down the deep purple hedge the lake changes every day silver to half blue as it turns pull up on the empty end of abandoned strip mall parking lot and off we go two friends adventuring while everyone else paces dutiful in 1938 habitrail fled sour smelling salvation for potion shop where the dog didnt like me for empty crowded den of skin iniquity for ramble bangle to show where weve been for green spirit greenhouse the discovery of sensation and echiveria i forgot the succulent garden in my awe. for lovely house of passages ruby inlaid food smelling jo-el and jimi my happy loud laughing lets do this together, no? when we are old we will remember because we are together and sentimental its easier now theres more air more blood flowing between us the door opened to let the Light in she reminds me to be kind and true she reminds me im okay im okay im okay it starts to rain a car full of green spirits and three kinds of beer pet food fruit cheese crackers is that for one week or two? down the valley for good coffee and donuts strawberries and i forgot bags of dirt white bread im tired its grey im glad for home. thank you beautiful for a beautiful day theres so much wrong in this world o blessed we who wander free.

15 May 2008

Bright Idea #17: Laugh true and sing in public places.
"In spite of illness, in spite even of the archenemy sorrow, one can remain alive long past the usual date of disintegration if one is unafraid of change, insatiable in intellectual curiosity, interested in big things and happy in small ways." The phones been disconnected which is rather nice however maddening to Significant Other the quiet pleases me the uninterrupted parade of moments and ideas the being Here Now when the phone rings i feel like pavlovs dog and i resist it. explaining to #4 that everything rots except diamonds and nuclear waste while victorious #3 shoulders prehistoric channel cat i take a picture and let it keep in the backyard by the canoe hoping cat friend will resist the urge the fish was full of eggs i wish it would have spawned before #3 tempted with his hook and neighborhood friend shot it with his arrow i would rather have the mother fish in the crick but am grateful for the pride in self that #3 feels at having done something, something mortal and grand forever affecting the lives of a million fish in the creek that runs through our town. planted more lettuce chard spinach zinnia dragon carrot put the tomatoes wretchedly early into the ground they were smothering in their pots all yellow and mouldering my foray into tomato from seed should have left them underground its a science and i of little left brain. the sun came out.

13 May 2008

Bright Idea #16: Focus on bringing out your unique radiance instead of trying to fit into someone else's standard.
"The transfiguration of matter occurs through wonder." Day of school walked to garage Everyone is Beautiful people remember she said something about the words i use i am one of them more than one of you a pile of money in little envelopes sent out to feed the wheels we talked about war and abortion in the car on the way to town for a pile of money to feed the wheel the sky lowers and blows but does not rain. propagating library spider plants everyones getting ready for going theyre counting the days its a hive of spring sneakers squeaking laughing loudly no running im mumbling half hearted it must feel so good to run. the sky lowers and blows and im hoping for rain to slake the dry earth envelope of seeds the tomatoes look stressed but the peppers thrive in stippled points everything becoming what it is in its time. theres coffee when i arrive and a pile of books about art and horses and hamsters and the outlaw jesse james i realize they see me as an outlaw outside out there beyond the pale fringe starlit and smelling of earth my law is love generosity kindness forgiveness wonder i told him you are too cool to be unkind. reaching beautiful union with aluminum mule well turn this good earth before they fence it in and then ill fence it in and grow flowers around it sweet pea snapdragon echinacea flax i am growing into my garden i am a garden Earth is a garden we are stardust we are golden just keep breathing rain and sun night and morning Be Peace that is all there is to be.

12 May 2008

Bright Idea #15: Grow toward the Light.
"The known returns to be known again." Night to morning spent arranging arriving making the home a body where good energy flows through order and eddies of becoming. night to morning spent sorting poppy seeds from dirt barley from wheat spirits poke through the veil watcher watches dogs at rest worry sleeping funny talking dog that bounds my days claw pawed beastie Odins pony days go by in the garden setting deeper roots solving the problem of rebar lets make it all bigger before they put in the invisible fence ill plant blueberry this weekend plow through the pile of media maybe start breathing we met in the kitchen they played our song we held each other just this moment how wonderful strange we held each other as the planet turned in space as the lettuce raised tender arms to the Light as souls arrived and departed this miraculous space station outer banks depot were on the edge of the edge of the edge of the Center and think god is a homo sapien. marvelous evolution of our space our hearts the lives spin galaxies around me im in the back yard whispering to the dirt singing to the strawberry that stayed behind for love of borage and open country this is the only thing that makes sense to me anymore. i need every minute to keep my heart open open open quietly smiling hey beautiful its okay to be beautiful its okay beautiful isnt funeral home make-up alterations of the flesh youth money beautiful is open heart generosity kindness wonder acknowledgment of divinity seeing divinity in your self. love is our mother.

09 May 2008

Bright Idea #14: Bow to the divinity in all things.
"If we really have to confront wildness, solitude, and serenity, both the fierceness and compassionate nature of the land, then we ultimately have to confront it in ourselves." Glorious. Late morning reverie chicken man cameo gone grey told me i was beautiful in kitchen chaos dishes bottles a purple kimono the counter cleared the coffee made nice with aluminum mule deep perfect earth making faerie ring with garden rocks motherwort speedwell wild garlic starflower considering cross-referencing mapping like a new country keeping families together the roots crucifers nightshade greens little patches of light radish to mark the rows a borage for joy roses lavender sage a garden this years garden a little more for melon and squash a pumpkin patch some rows of corn is all that makes sense to me anymore. talking buddha with #3 sitting just listening saw an oriole robin sparrow chickadee my lines arent straight maybe next years garden and still far to go till tomato pepper sunflower daisy time moving toward the high summer garden the morning sun strawberry the lilac hedge picking blueberries peas the smell of tomato plants i started from seed reds and oranges i dug bricks out from under the outhouse to make a home for the hollyhocks.

08 May 2008

Bright Idea #13: Everything you seek is already inside you.
"As a poet I hold the most archaic values on earth. They go back to the Neolithic: the fertility of the soil, the magic of animals, the power-vision in solitude, the terrifying initiation and rebirth, the love and ecstasy of the dance, the common work of the tribe." We could use a little sunshine the dirt bed of seedlings is cold and damp my golden pumpkins disintegrating in primordial ooze but a strawberry bone grows at the end of a ruby veined stem and one morning ill come out here and it will be warm from sunshine smelling of roses and i will get to make it part of me eat the light ooze dirt dance love of the Earth and say to some one beside me, some? dug dandelions moved irises decided that the mystery woman was dock and summarily composted her. a noodle and a nap gentle dream of belonging the sky covers over i start sweet peas read inspirational free to be childrens literature and recline into empty afternoon hammock to read of rebel girls and civil wars my own private cheese plate with deep berry wine from Oz and music from another room. it wouldnt have been fair for Eve to keep the Apple to herself, she already knew better.

Bright Idea #12: Express your Self for the Joy of it.
"If your heart were sincere and upright, every creature would be unto you a looking-glass of life and a book of holy doctrine." Went in with pink ribbon flowers for mother princess sat and was nobody to parent in queue sat on main street waiting for junk lady no baptismal font home drove out like old days slow rumble of country road everything breathing tired eyes just being. a hundred thousand people in the wind and rain. my heart wasnt in the hearth today grey day cold my mind tends to summer my flesh prickles in spring coffee and granola in the rocking chair excavating high end gardening magazines considering elder weeping cherry a hedge of lilac the roses are drooping and i hope i havent croaked them the lavenders hardy the day whiles away tomorrow is friday theres a cold spell the seedlings breathe the air little trouty spotted lettuce from last years seed the california poppy sprouts that i dream of that color divinity immutable the goddess of alchemy must wear gowns that color and he came to me put his words in my hands and i buried them in my heart how blessed are we who have friends we can talk to i invoked the Little One all the sad choices ive made all my lonesome roads have led me here the good clutter the phone ringing with earnest blessings from the world outside my walls and one of these days i may just breathe like a seedling out from cellar grow light into ever infinite shifting light of home.

07 May 2008

Bright Idea #11: Remain Open and Trust your Instincts.
"Love in the open hand, nothing but that." The sky lowered when i woke so i went back to bed and dreamed a sunny day. drove to Two Towns Over for beautiful gardens dripping scented peaceful happy all the faces turned in perfect love and perfect trust simply being this moment all the names wine in the mouth i am getting older and hanging baskets of delicate annuals are beginning to appeal. wednesday in town to guru forgiveness the miracle of here the lofty intellectual posit of Inter Being the Little One i carry around with me like grit in the blood how i am Bright and Worthwhile. i feel like a child coming up from a bunker in dresden squinting at the sun shivering at the smell of blood and ruin but theres a scrap of blue sky and the ground beneath rubble full of possibility. home ground moved the roses lavender sage to brighter ground dug double echinacea heliotrope scented stock. calla lily for the princess snapdragon for #4 foxglove for me. it looks like someone lives here. i am living here i am living blooming emerging from the bunker into spring light light rain falling on roses #4 singing on the picnic table apple whips the watcher posted beneath bleeding hearts i found my rhubarb to grow rich off the compost thank you for the splendid pen in which to turn what is discarded into what returns to give again.

06 May 2008

Bright Idea #11: Do not look outside yourself for Happiness or Suffering.
"The only thing i can rely on is my sincere motivation." What is the obstacle? ego. ego illusion of separation armor that protects from arrows but incarcerates the true gentle invincible soul ferried from shore to shore in flesh that aches and craves and fails a marvel of engineering a handful of dust. we associate our souls with our flesh and that is like associating sunlight with locker room overhead light bulb. we are not bulb or earth or stem or flower. we are the life force that drives the root the stem the bloom to be. ineffable inscrutable everywhere this marvelous cusp beneath my clutching toes the angle of repose my body against the air and i believe. i believe that Love is all there is and everything else is a black hole in expensive make-up. still addicted to the steady presence of words on paper bound in slim flipping bricks of an idea you cannot kill an idea you cannot touch an idea Love is an idea God Generosity Kindness you cannot lose them in a shipwreck they are not of the world we wade through ideas are angels passing overhead. may the world wide be blessed with peaceful angels.

05 May 2008

Bright Idea #10: Head Toward Love.
"There are no accidents." Rain holding out another day. Perfect morning dog leash broke and he didnt run away everything is remembering itself everything miraculous and green get behind the mule and plow just beautiful spare the borage turn the compost twist in the wind still insecure unsure but listening to the quiet listening to the breath the heartbeat the red-winged blackbirds he brought in a branch budding pink blooming good coffee strawberries something green to go in the ground the threads are forming something i can understand something i can use to keep me warm and announce my arrival something so very much like a life i wanted a life i would not want to give away everyday at a street corner or rafter beam. planting seeds secret expectations im craving oranges and reds something vital and alive something to keep me warm and announce my arrival something like a birthday i forgot this is my year the most auspicious of all the signs, beloved of the buddha i cannot but love myself if i believe we are all connected by inner divinity the monarch the panther the white oak the cabbage seedling earthworm cashier everything in process everything changing always cells thoughts forms each morning is entirely unique entirely unique we should all be standing in our yards struck dumb with awe. i do i will i am.

03 May 2008

Bright Idea #9: Judge Not.
"Nothing says country romance like the sound of a tarp in the wind." Lost weekend. Monday recharge power nap off to Two Towns Over for Aluminum Mule bright hot blessed day dragged behind her dont ask any hard questions. Sat on the floor of organic section reading farming manual woman asked where the air fresheners were. Lost weekend. Fairy Godmother supplier of warm chicken to wet friends in night breeze set up shop with ladder and plank cauldron of candles salty roasted potato people had a good time and we will remember the coming out of the dark cold into growing light of trust and authenticity a kind of a birthday. last night watched the story of jesus john lennon jesse james this story of light darkness love betrayal heart crucible of humanity lonliness living out interminable dimness while connection is unquenchable filament pancho and lefty generally. storms coming barn the mule roof the nursery rain will put off plowing for a day dont call me im having lunch in canada its been said so i can breathe now the smell of small children in my house living with people is difficult live with yourself be a good soul-mate the sheets dirty the dogs fed the sky glazes over i walk racetracks in the supermarket waiting for meds my nose in a book the mans headphones were so loud i could hear them three aisles over bought #4 bagels and bubblegum thought about how everything worth having is free.

02 May 2008

Bright Idea #8: Take responsibility for what you want without guilt or shame.
"We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give." Wild currents riding waves emotion i cried in the hallway in the arms of the Doctor who told me she loved me her hair was amazing then the Mountain Man came in like Pan in khakis and i cried to his partner La Loba holistic interbeing belonging it was about belonging it was all about belonging i went for coffee and chocolate bought a basket and a brown creamer bought a hosta and a ranunculus ate more princess leftovers the kids played tomorrow its peat pots and swim party popcorn and bonfire if it doesnt rain ran into a woman i graduated with in the baking aisle she was beautiful in a way most people arent she remembered me the manager trusted me the lady said he never trusts anyone. gardening at night beautiful peace of the Earth the digging deep and discovery of this amazing soil where the hollyhocks will grow. I laid it on the line and hes showing me he can. he called me had an epiphany watching a woman from canada. everyones really amazing in my world and then theres that one room im not allowed to go into she sent him to the nurses with homework so i wouldnt be there and it hurt so much to be rejected and not know why to by estranged and have no error to repent. but so it is in the world and i am entirely grateful for the love and light in my life the luckiest girl in the world. and then i fell in love with a mennonite dog.

01 May 2008

Bright Idea #7: Act from Basic Goodness.
"The world has no grounds whatever for complacency." Hard frost left the sunflowers out i touched their bent frozen stems with wonder. Last night wild magick morning frost the stars came down to sleep it off. Sun rising blood orange marmalade through small trees just now beginning to stir. in my dream a nuclear winter and i hold the hand of the man behind me to help him to feel less afraid. the dim kitchen warmly illuminated we are moving toward the sun we get stronger. braided my hair its a high holiday ill wear the star today to say i am not afraid. im going to have to go down, descend, spelunk my underground and the Light within me is my eternal illumination. Heres your subliminal message: that all the sorrow in the world comes from people who do not believe they possess an internal divinity and therefore cannot believe it of any one else, either. Otherwise a lovely day lots of positive energy swirling around magic charm of braids an an open heart no one took the forgive card i adopted two pansy plants their circle sisters waited in misty mud the sunflowers wont revive theyll feed their seeded seconds give their energy up to what will come. we watched sharks and otters a heron with a snake there was something there in all of that it moved me and i shifted shoewidth deeper into whatever lies inside.
"And if the question were asked: What is more real, the mundane or the sublime? most would hesitate before they gave an answer. On the one side, details: say, the aftermath of a breakfast, dirty chipped plates in the sink, their rims encrusted with egg yolk. Against this, the unnameable: small aching heart with boasts, what can you know? Outside the cage of everything we ever heard or saw, beyond, outside, above, there lies the real, hiding as long as we shall live, there stretch and trail the millions of names of God burning across the eons. When all through this our end will come before we even know the names of us.

For many the egg yolk prevails." -L.M.

"Love many things, for therein lies the true strength, and whosoever loves much performs much, and can accomplish much, and what is done in love is done well."

"The perfection of the Absolute where all Becoming stops and pure Being, immutable, timeless, unchanging, hangs forever like a ripe peach upon the bough." -E.A.

"...and the whole incident was incredibly frazzling and angst-rod and filled almost a whole mead notebook and is here recounted in only its barest psycho-skeletal outline." -D.F.W.

"At the top of the mountain, we are all snow leopards." -H.S.T.

"Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live." -D.T.
"Cometh a voice: My children, hear; From the crowded street and the close-packed mart I call you back with my message clear, back to my lap and my loving heart. Long have ye left me, journeying on by range and river and grassy plain, to the teeming towns where the rest have gone - come back, come back to my arms again. So shall ye lose the foolish needs that gnaw your souls; and my touch shall serve to heal the fretted nerve. Treading the turf that ye once loved well, instead of the stones of the city's street, ye shall hear nor din nor drunken yell, but the wind that croons in the ripening wheat. I that am old have seen long since ruin of palaces made with hands for the soldier-king and the priest and prince whose cities crumble in desert sands. But still the furrow in many a clime yields softly under the ploughman's feet; still there is seeding and harvest time, and the wind still croons in the ripening wheat. The works of man are but little worth; for a time they stand, for a space endure; but turn once more to your mother - Earth, my gifts are gracious, my works are sure. Instead of the strife and pain I give you peace, with its blessing sweet. Come back, come back to my arms again, for the wind still croons in the ripening wheat."
-John Sandes, The Earth-Mother (excerpt, 1918)