"for sale, baby shoes, never worn."



sunlight through hoya leaves quiet afternoon.

i can breathe again, which is pretty cool. the growing light has been singing songs to my fingers. i transplanted some strangling aloes and some oxalis and ferns and a snake plant and the seeds came in so theres that, but its been arctic around here. not windy, not snowy, just cold. i went down to the lake and the feeder creeks are frozen in their beds and im angling for a shot and my boot goes through the ice but nothing soaks through and i like the little message She sends me, now dont go traipsing all cocky up the ice thinking im all about getting you a good snap. one seagull wheels about the thin ice, breaking away from shore until its blue water beyond. all good beachstones under a pane, one green beach glass on shore. she hugged me and i needed that. and im learning about myself. not all rainbows and butterflies, certainly not, but its learning and damn if it isnt as empowering as they say.

dont leave without the digital camera.



my dreams lately have all been terrible. violence, cowardice, loss. at one point in the last dream i said, "i cant believe my self-preservation instinct is kicking in," then everyone else gets killed because the woman who the man bought dinner was really a lover of a man the first man had convicted and sentenced, like a lawyer or a judge. so the lovermans posse finds the family and friends of the lawyerman sitting out at night and kills them all right after i hear the car door slam and realize something terrible is going to happen and i was supposed to bring the lawyerman his rifle and things hed left behind but knew the posse would associate me with the rifle so i scuttled away and they were all killed. and i know the lawyerman is standing by his car on the curb watching this in horror and i know hell blame me because i didnt take the hit instead of them. that was last night.

i really love and respect dogs.

happy to breathe and i can get stuff done around the house tomorrow, for days ive done nothing but sleep while the kids were at school. there was no air. i was, i guess you could say, exhausted. but massive doses of steroids buoy me up to be useful. puttering, one of my favorite things. and im scheduled for a mammo next week, the doc says its a year late. so blessed be i have the insurance to get my glands in the squish and see whats what.



labradorite, larimar, chrysoprase, danburite, yak bone.